Reassurance
by flootzavut
Summary: Set very close to the start of Ellie's tenure; after she's officially NCIS, but not by much. Ellie has a very unexpected visitor in the middle of the night.


_**REASSURANCE**_

Afterwards, she can't decide if she'd been dreaming or not. Well no, of _course_ it was a dream. Every logical part of her brain is insistent. It's the only explanation. But despite that, somehow it had all felt too real, too vivid, the details too precise, too many things she's almost sure she didn't know before, and the doubt remains.

She doesn't remember waking up, just suddenly being awake and aware of someone else in the room.

Having a sidearm close to hand is not yet second nature, but she fumbles it out of her nightstand and points it before she's even really managed to focus on the intruder. It's a start, even if her hands are shaking slightly and she's wishing desperately Jake wasn't out of town.

She hears laughter. "You won't be needing that," says a female voice, "but in future I suggest taking the safety off if you're actually going to point it at somebody who might be threatening you."

The figure steps closer to the bed, and Ellie decides guns are all very well, but right now she just wants to see what's going on a little better. Keeping the gun aimed at the figure with one wobbly hand, she reaches out and flips on her bedside lamp with the other.

The woman raises an eyebrow. She seems amused and Ellie tries not to look rattled. _I'm a Special Agent now_ , she reminds herself. It really doesn't make her feel any better.

"Hello?" At least her voice isn't shaking as badly as her hand.

"Hi."

"Um. Who are you?" _And what are you doing in my bedroom, 'cause I'm feeling really freaked out right about now_.

"Can't you figure it out? And please, put the gun down. Even if you managed to fire it, you'd just end up with holes in your bedroom wall."

Ellie glances down at the gun. She isn't entirely sure she could shoot someone anyway, not yet. If it came down to it, she's more likely to throw it at the woman than to fire it. And her arm is starting to hurt.

She lowers it and stows it carefully back in its drawer as she studies the woman. _'Can't you work it out?'_

She can't resist a challenge, and she's intrigued by the implication she should know who this stranger is.

She consciously works through the details she'd need if she was drawing a likeness for a BOLO. Not very short, but not particularly tall either. Slender and athletic. Dark hair and eyes. Good bone structure, strikingly pretty. A confident, upright posture - maybe she was a dancer? Arms crossed, a shrewd expression, an overall impression of sharp intelligence. If Ellie had met her before, she's sure she would remember, and she doesn't, but...

She narrows her eyes. There _is_ something else about her - a strange almost-familiarity. She doesn't know this woman, they've never met, Ellie is pretty certain, but somehow she isn't a complete stranger, either. And then out of nowhere she remembers sitting in Abby's apartment and having some girl talk over a particularly good slice of pepperoni pizza with extra jalapeños and looking at old photos and-

"You're Kate."

The woman smiles, her face softening and her cheeks dimpling.

"Yes, I am."

"And I'm... dreaming?"

"Your head; you tell me."

"Well, you're..." She pauses, suddenly feeling embarrassed.

"Dead, yes." Kate shrugs. "It's okay. I mean, being dead sucks, but I'm not going to get offended because you pointed it out."

Ellie laughs nervously. "Okay. So... I _must_ be dreaming."

Kate sits at the end of the bed, crossing her ankles and smoothing her skirt down over her knees. The analytical part of Ellie's mind notices she makes a dent in the bedspread just as if she were a real, living person.

"I'm not at liberty to confirm or deny that." Her tone doesn't give much away. Ellie isn't sure whether she's being teased or not.

"Well, if you're dead, then logically..." She trails off. Kate is smiling at her, looking amused again. "Um. Never mind."

"Always working stuff out. I bet you get on well with Abby."

Ellie grins involuntarily. She's still finding her niche at NCIS, but Abby... Abby is definitely a kindred spirit in a lot of ways. "I like her a lot."

"I'm glad. There aren't many people who can keep up with how she thinks. Just watch out if she starts trying to get you to wear black lipstick. It's a slippery slope - before you know it, you'll have a tattoo on your bum."

Ellie laughs. "Is that the voice of experience?"

"Yes. Made my autopsy really embarrassing, let me tell you. Ducky was a gent, but honestly..." Kate stops. "Not that you're going to have to worry about that," she adds, hurriedly. She sighs. "Did I mention being dead really sucks?"

"Yes, you did. I'm... I'm sorry."

Kate smiles slightly. "Rule 6. Never apologise." She leans in closer. "I always had a problem with that one myself, to be honest."

Ellie looks down at her hands. "How did you... how did you die?" Abby has talked about Kate some, but the subject of what happened to her isn't one Ellie has felt brave enough to bring up yet. Which, of course, only makes the curiosity eat her alive. "I mean, if it's not, um, rude to ask."

"It's okay. I can understand why you'd be curious." She sighs. "There was a terrorist attack being planned on a pier full of Navy families at Norfolk for a ship's homecoming. And there was this guy, Ari, who was trying to kill Gibbs. I was Secret Service before I came to NCIS - used to be on the Presidential detail." She mentions it casually, like it's no big deal. "So I was acting as Gibbs' bodyguard. We foiled the attack, but then Ari sniped me from another building. Shot me in the head, right in front of Gibbs and Tony." She shrugs a shoulder. "At least it was quick, I guess. Small mercies. I try to be grateful for that. I just wish I'd had the chance to say goodbye properly. And I _hate_ that they had to see it up close."

Ellie nods, trying not to look too horrified. No wonder the team still carries those wounds, almost a decade later. She does her best _not_ to imagine what it would be like to see your colleague - your _friend_ \- shot in the head right in front of you, and suspects the idea will haunt her. She still vividly remembers seeing Flynn's dead body, which was bad enough.

She's not quite sure if she'll ever come to terms with the possibility something similar, or worse, might happen to someone she cares for, and it scares her to think about.

She's suddenly at a loss for words. Kate looks at her sympathetically. "It's all a lot to take in, I know. New job, new role, new responsibilities. Being an investigator was a big leap for me, too. You probably feel like you'll never be able to keep up, but one day you'll turn around and realise the work has become second nature and the team has become family."

Ellie gives her a wry smile. "Promise?"

Kate laughs. "Well I can't tell the future, but I have a good feeling about it. And Gibbs is all about gut feelings." She rolls her eyes exaggeratedly.

That makes Ellie laugh too. Gibbs' gut is the stuff of legend at NCIS, but for an analyst like her, it's a little too mysterious and illogical to get her head around, even if she knows from painful experience it can be trusted. Kate's irreverence on the topic is refreshing.

"Anything I should know? I mean, about being part of the team."

Kate grins. "Nothing you haven't already figured out, I expect. Don't spill Gibbs' coffee. Life goes a lot smoother if you figure out which fifty percent of what comes out of Tony's mouth is comprised purely of movie references. Don't feel too bad if you have to leave autopsy halfway through one of Ducky's stories, because he doesn't take it personally and he'll just tell the rest of it to the corpse. Stuff like that." She smiles, and it's fond and amused and slightly sad. "They're good people, Ellie, trustworthy, easy to love. It'll take a while for you to figure out exactly where you fit, but you'll get there, and it's worth the effort, believe me."

Ellie finds herself smiling back. Much as she's trying to approach this new challenge as a grown up, sometimes she still feels like a little kid who's suddenly playing with the big boys, literally. There's no one she can really ask to give her this kind of reassurance without feeling even more like a small child who just doesn't belong. Even if Kate obviously came to the job with a lot more experience in being a badass. Ellie gets the impression Ziva was basically an Israeli ninja before NCIS, and finding out Kate was on the Presidential detail is similarly impressive and intimidating, but Kate seems so... _normal_. And if a former Secret Service bodyguard can admit it took her a while to figure stuff out, then Ellie feels a lot better about her own stumbles.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"I wish you were still around. I need a crib sheet."

"If I was still around, you might not be."

Ellie pulls a face. "I suppose. I just wish I didn't feel so out of my depth."

Kate nods. "For what it's worth, Gibbs wouldn't have let you become part of the team unless he thought you could do the job. And I hate to admit it, but when it comes to reading people, none of my psych classes in college or my profile training were a match for his gut. He's right so often it's... _annoying_. I'm sure he'll turn out to be right about you as well." She raises an eyebrow. "About the only person Gibbs _can't_ figure out is Gibbs."

Ellie thinks about Gibbs for a moment. "You know, that makes a worrying amount of sense."

"He's a complicated guy."

"I noticed."

They share a knowing smile, then Kate's look turns pensive. "Are they-" She pauses. "Are they doing okay? I know you're new, but- I mean, losing Ziva... At least she didn't die, but still. It can't have been easy."

Ellie thinks about it. She _is_ still new, and she's massively under-qualified to have an opinion, but from Kate's expression she feels it's important to at least try. "I think - I think they're getting there?" She chews her lip and sighs. "I'm sorry, it's hard for me to tell. I'm not used to them yet, I have no idea what's normal."

She feels bad about being so vague, and is bemused when Kate outright laughs. "What's so funny?"

It takes a few moments for Kate to calm down enough to talk, waving a hand in apology and gasping like she can barely catch her breath. "I'm sorry, I just - I realised how ridiculous it was of me to ask you when you've only known them a month or two. I was at NCIS for two _years_ , and I'm not sure I even knew what was normal half the time." She's smiling, but it's tight and brittle and there are tears in her eyes. "God, I miss them so much. Even Tony."

Ellie almost - _almost_ \- reaches out to give Kate's arm a squeeze, but all of a sudden she remembers she's having this conversation with a dead woman, and she's pretty sure whether her hand goes straight through Kate or if she's as solid as she looks, either way it'll become a bit too real, and it's the middle of the night and Jake isn't here. On the whole, she doesn't need anything else to weird her out. "I'll... I'll watch out for them, okay?" She doesn't know what else to say. She's only a probie, a baby agent. "I'll do my best." She has no confidence in her ability to do this job, never mind to have her teammates' sixes, but no one will ever be able to accuse her of not trying really, really hard and giving it her best shot.

Kate's mouth quirks up at one corner. Ellie wonders if it's a habit Kate picked up from Gibbs, if in a couple of years she'll also find herself smiling lopsidedly. "I'm sure you will," Kate says softly. "Thank you." She studies Ellie intently for a moment. "You'll be fine, you know."

Ellie can feel her cheeks turning pink. "Thanks."

Kate gets up, and puts her hands on her hips, suddenly all business. "Now, if you're going to keep that promise, you need to get some sleep." She pauses, rolls her eyes, shakes her head. "I always said I'd never turn into my mother, and listen to me now."

Ellie grins. Just occasionally it's nice to be mothered, and living so far from Oklahoma, it doesn't happen so much these days. "It's okay."

Kate tips her head on one side. "I should go. Look after my team, Ellie. They'll look after you, too."

Ellie nods. "I will."

Kate turns away, and Ellie is tempted for a moment to say 'Come back any time', but she's still feeling a little discombobulated and she's not sure she wants to invite a return visit.

She doesn't remember anything else - doesn't remember Kate leaving, doesn't know if she left through the door or walked through the wall or just melted away. Doesn't remember any other details that would make sense of the whole thing.

What she does remember the next morning is Kate's quiet confidence that Gibbs wouldn't give the job to anyone who couldn't do it, her insistence that Ellie will find her niche, and that it will be worth the effort.

She still isn't convinced it wasn't just a particularly vivid dream (although her analyst instincts despair in her for thinking it could possibly have been anything else), but whatever it was, it made her feel a lot better, and when she arrives at work that day it's with a newfound confidence.

She can do this. She _will_ do this. She'll look after her team, just like she promised Kate she would, and in return, they'll look after her.

She's going to be fine.

 _~ fin ~_


End file.
